


the quietest scream

by pandabrite



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: AHAHAHA, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, One Shot, an introspection on, lucretia's feelings at seeing lup's name burned into the wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 06:46:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12699543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandabrite/pseuds/pandabrite
Summary: when lucretia realizes that there is concrete evidence of lup's existence burned right into the wall of the moonbase cafeteria, she feels like the entire world has fallen from beneath her. how do you react when you just... can't react? when you can't scream, because no one can know the truth..?





	the quietest scream

**Author's Note:**

> oh shit whaddup it's day 11 of taz nanowrimo. the prompt is staying quiet when you feel like screaming... aaaand the prompt list is from tumblr user lucretia-the-director. sort of just a character study of lucretia's feelings after taako burns lup's name into the wall of the cafeteria, because you knoooow she was shook.

Lucretia held her dress robe aloft as she ran across the Bureau of Balance quad toward the cafeteria. She was winded, no doubt, but she had to hurry-- she had to get there, and she had to see it for herself. Her heart was hammering, her chest screwed up with anxiety, mind racing at a thousand miles per hour as she attempted to process just what was happening, what she had heard from Carey Fangbattle only moments before…

_‘Director-- there’s something, I- there’s something BURNT into the cafeteria wall? Like letters?”_

_‘... Burned..?’_

_‘Yeah, it doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s just three letters-- uh, L.U.P.’_

And the conversation had abruptly ended there.

Carey wasn’t able to get another word out, because Lucretia had thrown her hands down onto her desk, visibly shaken for the briefest of moments before she realized what she was doing… And she smoothed herself over, but… she rose and bustled past Carey regardless, without another word to her.

But she wanted to scream. 

Now, now she was running. She didn’t think about decorum or appearances as she rushed, slumping against the outside of the cafeteria door, hand on her breast, urging her breathing to subside-- calm, easy… calm…

She needed to see this with her own eyes. At the moment, she couldn’t comprehend the situation. It couldn’t possibly be a coincidence… not something of this magnitude. Not something so specific as the letters L U P burned into a fucking wall on the Moon Base. There was no way that those letters could have meant anything to anyone there.

In fact, there were only three possible people that the name Lup could mean anything to… That would be herself… Barry… and Lup, herself. And she knew for a fact that there was… there was _no way_ that Barry could be on the Moon Base… and it pained her to think that, to think about keeping her dear friend at arm’s length… but… she simply couldn’t risk it. And Lup… God, that would be…

A blessing and a curse, wouldn’t it? If Lup had found her way to them… if she just wandered out of the darkness after over a decade of being missing… 

That was also impossible.

Lucretia had finally regained even breathing… and she had steeled herself to investigate with a facade of as little interest as possible in what had happened to the wall of the cafeteria. Because… something had certainly done a number on it.

When she finally walked into the room, it was with an impassive expression… she folded her hands over her stomach, but… when she saw it, clear as day, burned deeply into the wall… she… felt the air whoosh out of her lungs as if she had been punched right in the chest by some insurmountable force.

**L U P**

There was no mistaking it. There was nothing else it could be. She felt hollowed out. Her hands slid off of her stomach and hung at her sides, though her expression remained steadfast… her subtle movements were the only thing that gave her away, eyes darting over the letters over and over again, to the area surrounding…

There, on one of the tables, was a box that had also been burnt, well, completely obliterated, more like… 

She approached, and as soon as she did, she heard a small voice pipe up from nearby.

“Oh, Madame Director?” Angus McDonald had been hunkered near the floor by the wall, and with his small stature she simply hadn’t seen him when she entered.

“Angus,” she nodded her head toward him, glancing at him, the box, and then the burned writing on the wall once more, “I came to see what happened. Carey let me know someone had vandalized the cafeteria, but I didn’t imagine for a moment it would be something so… cryptic.”

Angus seemed to hesitate, and Lucretia caught it, “... Do you know anything about this?” She asked, tone a touch more serious than perhaps she had intended it to be. She didn’t think that Angus would lie to her, but perhaps a careful withdrawal of truth to protect someone else wasn’t outside the realm of possibility… Especially when he had looked briefly _so, so guilty._

She doubted very seriously that Angus had anything to do with it… So, then, who..?

“I-- well, see, the thing about it is that I’m trying to figure that out, myself.” Angus tucked his magnifying glass into his bag, “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what caused this… but…”

“... But..?”

“Well, Taako--” As soon as Taako’s name left his lips, Lucretia’s brow twitched, and just as quickly as Angus had been caught hesitating, Angus also caught her facial cue, and his expression grew a bit more shewd.

“... _Taako,_ ” he repeated a bit more slowly, “Taako has been taking the time to teach me a bit of magic on the side, ma’am. He was going to cast prestidigitation on some macarons I made, and-- well, when he did, instead he cast the spell Scorching Ray, burned the box up, and then… he burned those letters into the wall. But-- Director, he said it wasn’t him, and I’m kind of inclined to believe him, you know?”

Lucretia was silent.

“I know that seems a little out there, well, the situation and the fact that I believe him, I guess… but I do. I don’t think he was lying.”

This presented… a more perplexing and alarming set of problems for Lucretia.

But she didn’t have the time to ponder it right now, especially now that little Angus McDonald was staring her down like he was… trying to figure her out. She lifted a brow at his expression…

“I see. I… I’ll speak to him, then,” she cleared her throat a bit, “and I do believe you. If he says he didn’t do it on purpose, I’ll hold him, and you, to that.”

“... Well, I mean, I don’t see what fit reason he’d have to lie. It’s just not logical. Plus, he looked just as surprised as me when it happened. … There’s no reason he’d write the letters L U and P on the wall on purpose, _right_?” And she could feel him watching her every move.

But she was impassive, “That’s exactly why I want to see him. It doesn’t make sense. If there’s something causing awry magic to be cast here at headquarters, then certainly I think it’s worth looking into. I’m sure you agree,” and she finally smiled, “since you’re in definitely in _bigtime_ detective mode right now, huh? You can stop sleuthing me now, Angus.”

He looked a little flustered at being called out, “I-- sure, right. But, you know, justice can’t ever rest when there’s a case to solve! That’s-- well, _you know._ ” Angus’s expression was a touch bashful, and Lucretia rest her palm on his shoulder.

“What Caleb Cleveland says, right?” 

“You got it,” despite himself, he looked rather chuffed at her response.

“Well, Angus,” she righted herself again, “I think I’ll leave this investigation in your capable hands. If anyone can figure it out, it’s you, right?”

Angus puffed his chest out and nodded, “I’m already on it. I’ll figure it out, for sure.”

And as Lucretia left, his expression changed… he watched her back carefully as she exited the cafeteria. She was hiding something. She seemed to always be hiding something. She was real, real good at hiding it, but Angus was also sort of a professional at seeing through bullshit. And he thought she was a big old liar, but… not a malicious liar. 

He might have more on his hands to figure out than he first thought…

As soon as Lucretia felt she was a safe enough distance from the cafeteria and the prying eyes of Angus McDonald, she let the breath she’d been holding in her lungs escape-- Taako. _Taako._

Of course Taako did it. 

And yet, it made no sense at all for him to have. There was no way any memory of Lup remained for him… she had been so fucking careful. That had been the hardest of all, the most painful and difficult part of the process of making them all forget. Because Lup and Taako were… They were so special. To each other, and, well, to the world… And to all of them. To her… She felt an ache, an old ache that resonated through her very bones.

… There was no way Taako could remember her. She’d made… She’d made too sure of it.

So, then, why..?

She wanted to scream. 

This was something that caused her no shortage of panic. If, somehow, he’d gotten ahold of some memory of her, then that could put everything she was working so, so hard to do in jeopardy. And she couldn’t allow it… Wouldn’t allow it. 

But… how could she approach Taako without casting suspicion? She’d been so fucking careful this entire time. To be impassive. To be a stranger. To keep them at a distance, but just close enough. She’d looked over them as best she could from a position above them… from a position of authority, and authority only. Of course, it was hard… so hard to not cut up with them, to not talk to them like the old friends and family that they were…

She was thinking too much.

The point of her thought, she realized, was how to talk to Taako without rousing any suspicion… which wasn’t going to be easy. Because she knew Taako well enough to know that he may act aloof, may act uncaring or dense… but he would be paying attention to everything she said and everything she did because… well, he didn’t trust her. She could sense it from the beginning, and perhaps it had come and gone, but…

Taako was anything but the idiot he pretended to be.

It took her a while to find him, and at first, she thought that he’d simply left the moon base… which would have been troubling enough, but… she did find him, looking uncharacteristically thoughtful, perched on a couch in the library. The Umbrastaff was held in his hands, laid across his crossed knees…

Lucretia’s heart leapt into her throat.

… The _Umbrastaff._

Oh, _God_ , the Umbrastaff.

Taako had noticed her in the vicinity immediately, though his outward appearance didn’t betray it save for an ear perked in her direction… And his fingers tensing just ever so slightly on the Umbrella in his hands.

Lucretia felt… a little weak. What a fool she was… of course, Lup’s Umbrastaff. The wand that Taako kept faithfully at his side. The wand that… seldom left his hands. If he had cast Scorching Ray, and the spell had carved Lup’s name into the wall… Lup’s… wand… but…

It still… It didn’t make sense.

“Taako?” She announced herself, though Taako already knew she was there, “Might I-- … have a moment to talk to you?”

Taako furrowed his brow, considering her question for a second before finally speaking, “Look, I-- I know why you’re here, and I get it, looks super suss on me-- but, listen, I-”

“Taako--”

“No no, let me finish,” Taako waved a hand to silence her, “Like who’s this guy think he is, defiling our moon base’s fine dining establishment more than the food they serve already does-- I get it, I know, but between you and me, let me just tell you… Um… really wasn’t on purpose.”

“Taako,” Lucretia sighed patiently, “I know it wasn’t. Angus told me what happened.”

“Oh.”

“He told me it was an accident… but…”

“Kind of a weird tag, huh? L U P,” he spelled the letters out, and obviously he didn’t recognize it was a word, much less a name, “but I… dunno.”

Lucretia glanced to the side, wringing her fingers together a bit… “... Taako, was it you, or … was it that umbrella..?”

Taako’s fingers tightened again on the Umbrastaff, and he shifted it out of his lap and to the side, partially out of Lucretia’s line of sight. “... Sorry, uh, noooot really picking up what you’re putting down.” It was obvious he wasn’t super-duper keen to discuss it, but why was impossible to read. His expression had changed, though, to one much more careful, much more shrewd. 

“I understand that it’s a magic artifact. I was… curious, that’s all.” She couldn’t be too specific. She couldn’t point out too much. She… couldn’t press. And that was infuriating, because she knew exactly what that damn umbrella was, and who it belonged to, and… why did it carve Lup’s name into the wall?

“... Yeah. Sure.” He conceded after a moment, though he seemed sort of loathe to do so, “not really a secret. Gotta say, you’re no kid detective.”

“Ha. Ha.” Lucretia laughed in a deadpan tone, “I’m not going to take it from you, if you’re worried about that. I would have seen to that long ago. But… Taako, even you have to admit, if it’s _accidentally_ casting spells, that… that might be a problem, right..?”

“No one _died._ ”

“Well, thanks for that. Very encouraging.” Lucretia shook her head, “Taako, I need to know, has it done this before..? Acted outside your will..?”

She was pressing dangerously, now. She’d gone from tip-toeing around the issue to jumping in waist deep--- but it seemed to be the only thing she could do. She’d take a broad step and if nothing came of it, then… well, what could she do..? She was risking enough by asking specifically about it-- but, she needed to know. She had to know… Was the Umbrastaff acting on its own..? 

Taako glanced down at it, cocking his lips to the side in thought… What he was thinking about, she couldn’t read… but she knew Taako well enough that she could _guess._ Either he was seriously trying to remember if that had happened, or, the more likely of the two, he was coming up with a good way to tell a big fib, or to just not tell her at all.

“Dunno. I guess not. Probably just, well-- Probably an anomaly, that uh, scene earlier. A really weird and kind of oddly specific one time only anomaly. Like, one in a million it’ll ever happen again, for sure.”

And that was it, she supposed. He wasn’t going to tell her anything. And it pained her to know, because she did know, that he wasn’t being honest with her. Why should he..? He didn’t know her. He didn’t trust her intentions. He didn’t want to lose the Umbrastaff, which… she couldn’t blame him. She wouldn’t take it from him, were she able to help it. It… felt right in his hands…

… She sighed, and she conceded. There was no point pressing further.

“Well, Taako. All I can ask is that you keep an eye on it… try not to, um… Taako, try not to destroy any more company property..? Kind of a no-no. Cuts right into the overhead, you know?”

“Got it,” Taako leaned back on the couch again, tipping his hat so that his gaze was out of view.

Okay, conversation over, she guessed. 

“... Thank you.” And she turned away, and… she left, though she was loathe to do so… To walk away when she was so close to... something. The answers had to be right there. The only consolation was that it seemed Taako truly had no idea what had happened. 

… but it fucking _ate_ at her. It gnawed at her heart like a hungry beast-- _Lup._ A trace, a sign of Lup’s existence for the first time in so, so long. A clue she could do nothing with… There were plenty of theories racing through her mind… But how could she know if she were right..?

Did Lup have residual magic left in the wand that connected to Taako’s similar and familiar magic? Did Lup have a spell cast upon it to cast spells at certain times..? Did something in the wand possess Taako and compel him to attack..? She… she didn’t know.

But Lup-- God, _dear_ Lup… She… she was loathe to wrestle with her thoughts about her in this way… as if hearing something of her fate wouldn’t be a breath of fresh air after drowning for years. And yet, here she was, thinking what a terrible thing it would also be to have _another lich_ to keep away from the moon base-- to keep away from her brother. 

And as she left the library, stone faced, evenly paced and impassive… she felt like she could _scream._ But Lucretia was never granted that luxury, was she?


End file.
